I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
