I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
