Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize