you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
