you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Two words: blizzard sex
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
