I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
