I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
