Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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