bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
