I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
