i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
