So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
whose ass print is on the piano?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
