porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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