this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
