how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
