I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
