Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
