i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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