Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
