But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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