wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize