So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
