saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
