Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
