I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize