just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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