It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
accomplished twins. life is a go
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
