I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
