I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
