I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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