mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
