well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
