There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I have aggressive nipples.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
