Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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