Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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