I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
