Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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