My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Farmville is her only friend.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
