The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
