She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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