i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
