No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
