everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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