I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Too much gin, very little bucket
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
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