When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize