Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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