On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
