Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
