So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
