So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
