hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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