how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
