well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
