She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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