Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
we have pet lesbian snakes
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
