He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
