he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I came so hard my ears popped.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
