I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
