oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
