good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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