I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
