she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
