16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
