the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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