I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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