the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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