I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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