Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize