part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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