Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
