Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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