Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
