Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
