420 ftw
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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