Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My life is pants optional.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
